Good Posture

Good posture is better than a push-up bra and high heels.

Fake Book Tour - Today Show with Kathie Lee & Hoda

Transcript from the first stop on my imaginary book tour. Had a great time in NYC. Great food. Great hotel. But so cold.

Kathie Lee: We’re joined now by debut author Stacy McAnulty. She’s written a new book about Barbie.

Me: It’s not really about Barbie.

Hoda: But it’s call My Life According to Barbie.

Me: Yes. There is a definite Barbie element.

Kathie Lee: How long did you live your life according to Barbie?

Me: I didn’t. It’s fiction.

Hoda: It’s not a memoir?

Me: No. It’s a novel.

Hoda: Tell us about the book. I love the cover.

Me: Well… It’s about a divorced woman… a fictitious woman… named Paige who agrees to live her life according to the implied moral code of the Barbie Doll. It’s really a romantic comedy.

Hoda: Why does she do this?

Me: To help her teenaged daughter out. Paige doesn’t want her own daughter to take part in the sociology experiment so she offers to be the guinea pig.

Kathie Lee: I’ve been a guinea pig a couple of time.

Hoda: Getting Botox doesn’t count as being a guinea pig.

Kathie Lee: You just wait. (Turning back to me.) So how do you… I mean this fictitious character lives her life according to Barbie? What are the rules?

Me: She actually has 16 goals or guidelines. The most important is WWBD? – What would Barbie Do?

Kathie Lee: I like that.

Me: She has more specific rules like not leaving the house without complete make-up, perfect hairs, and feminine clothes including high heels.

Hoda: I notice you are wearing sneakers.

Me: Yeah. It’s not about me.

Kathie Lee: Maybe it’s time for another ambush make-over. (She points to me.)

Me: Okay.

Hoda: No, she’s fine. Except maybe those eyebrows.

Me: I would like to freshen my highlights. (I stare off dreaming of a new wardrobe from NYC.)

Kathie Lee: And definitely shape wear and a padded bra.

Me: Huh?

Kathie Lee: Would you be willing to have plastic surgery on air?

Me: Wait. What?

Kathie Lee: Not today. Maybe next week. It could be our next series. Ambush Plastic Surgery.

Hoda: Let’s get back to talking about the book. Our 90 seconds is almost up.

Kathie Lee: Right. So “Paige” needs to apply make-up, do her hair and wear a ball gown to hit the grocery store.

Me: Maybe not a ball gown.

Kathie Lee: Sounds like a lot of work. Happy hour would have to start at 8 A.M.

Me: That’s another rule. No drinking.

Kathie Lee: Where do I NOT sign up. (She pulls a bottle of red out and pours two generous glasses.)

Me: I’d like a glass.

Kathie Lee: But you said that’s a rule – no drinking.

Me: It’s not about me.

Hoda: (After pouring me a glass.) Where did the idea for the novel come from?

Me: (After emptying my glass of wine.) Church.

Kathie Lee: Amen sister!

Me: The minister asked who is the ultimate role model. He mockingly suggested Barbie. I thought he had a point. She’s high achieving, physically fit, and independent.

Kathie Lee: We got two great role models right here. (She gestures between herself and Hoda. Then they touch glasses and finish off the wine.)

Hoda: What’s up next?

Kathie Lee: I think we are doing a segment with Paula Deen.

Hoda: I was speaking to our guest. (She points to me.)

Me: I’m still promoting My Life According to Barbie. We are in the 2 digit sales range but I’m hoping for three digits.

Hoda: What a goal.

Me: And I’m working on my next novel.

Kathie Lee: Is it about Ken or Midge?

Hoda: Or Skipper?

Me: Actually, it’s a thriller. Totally uninspired by any of Mattel’s creations.

Kathie Lee: Sounds normal.

Hoda: Thank you for being here. (She turns to the camera.) The book is called My Life According to Barbie. And it’s not a memoir.

Kathie Lee: It’s fiction. (She gives me a wink.)

Me: Thanks for having me.

Kathie Lee: We’ll call you about that plastic surgery bit. Two words for you. Breast Augmentation.

Hoda: It’s what Barbie would do. (Fits of laughter from the women and crew.)

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